Ode to Lowe's

My dad never fully trusted Home Depot. I always thought he was stupid for only shopping at Lowe’s. I mean, shouldn’t you simply go to the place with the most variety on a given day? At the very least shouldn’t you compare prices and make a reasonable decision.

No. That’s what Dad’s answer has always been. It’s not a complicated reason either. I used to think it was naïve. My father hates NASCAR’s bad boy Tony Stewart. And since Home Depot has been the title sponsor of Tony’s car, my dad will not shop there. The logic seems flawed; I know. But after my experience last week, I’m beginning trust my father’s gut instincts even more.

I had a comp day on Friday and needed to some stuff for home repair. I’m nowhere near Bob Villa yet, but I do enough for my wife to not leave me for Ty Pennington.

I was in Home Depot for about 30 minutes grabbing an assortment of things. The fun began when I went to check out. The young girl behind the counter scanned everything and gave me the total. Once I handed over my credit card, she asked for my driver’s license. Whoops. I left my stupid wallet at home.

The girl proceeded to tell me it was the store’s policy to check ID on every credit card purchase, and that she couldn’t take the card without an ID. Hmmm….fair enough. I told her I understood, but asked to speak with her manager. I was shooting for the classic “one-time exception”. Unfortunately the manager wasn’t buying into my sob story either. I used what I thought were great lines. First, the whole, I’ve spent so much time here to collect this stuff. Can you let me get by and just do it this once? No luck. Then I pulled out the trump card. I told her that if I leave that store, I’ll have to buy the same stuff from a Home Depot closer to my house. The manager was unconcerned with loosing money for her store. At least she was sticking to store policy..I appreciated that.

Everything was understandable until I happened to look over to my left. Home Depot has self-checkout lanes, just like grocery stores. I quickly noticed two people run their credit cards and walk off with out any of the interrogation I was getting. I posed this epic question to the manager: “Why do I have to show my ID with credit card purchases here, but the people in self-checkout don’t?” You would’ve thought I asked her how to fix Iraq or about Peak Oil. After a 10 second zone out, she said it was store policy.

Store policy?! You have to show ID when working with a store associate, but its ok for a whacko to pay with a stolen credit card while self-checking out with a load of Fertilizer, Ammonia, and other redneck explosives. Thanks Home Depot for helping out in the War on Terror. I jokingly asked if it would they could void everything out of my cart so I could self-checkout. She agreed!

Two lessons today class:

1) If you steal a credit card, ALWAYS USE THE SELF-CHECKOUT LANE
2) Don’t invest in companies that have conflicting store policies. It’s like when Doc Brown warns Marty that he and his future self can’t see each other. Bad things happen when stuff like this happens.
3) Jimmy Johnson in the #48 Lowe’s Chevy has won back-to-back NASCAR Cup titles. I’ll never doubt you again Dad. I love you.

1 comment:

Court said...

Eric you are too funny. First of all I love that you got the manager, classic.

Actually I've wondered about the self checkout situation for awhile.

Lowes for LIFE!